Blind trust....

It seems to me the older I get, the less relationships are what I once dreamed of or what we see in movies, and the more I long for them to be that way. Wouldn't it make sense that the older you get the more baggage you get rid of and the lighter you travel making you more available to be intimate and less conflicted about commitment. But it's exactly the opposite in many cases. I am not understanding why I have a harder time saying what I think and feel lately. I used to be more open and less afraid the less I knew. And of course the younger I was and felt. Not that I feel old or anything but I am older. And today I wonder if wisdom is a gift of youth and not a skill acquired with age. I am however thankful for all the things I can clearly see about myself now that I didn't see then. I am thankful I can see my mistakes with a lot more humility and actually work on them with a conscious mind. I am thankful I understand what's important to me. I had no idea a few years back, not like now anyway. I can say certainly that at least I know what I don't want and what I won't put up with. And that in itself is a blessing. They say the more assertive we are with our thoughts and intentions the more accurately we'll be able to create our reality. So whenever you see yourself at a moment in a place you really don't wanna be in, take a moment and ask yourself, why is this in my movie? What roads did I take that led me to be here now? If this is not where I want to be what can I do to change it? Now that I read my own words I realize that this here is the wisdom acquired with age. And that all my youth provided was blind trust. Which I miss. I can't deny that. Blind trust in life is what I hope to acquire again through the wisdom of getting to know myself. Because when I do I'll trust that any decision I make is with the full knowledge that I have come full circle and I trust myself because I now know myself and I will only feel blind trust because I know....Whew......